As parents, we spend a lot of money and go to a lot of trouble arranging a trip to
Disneyworld. So when we do finally get there, we don’t imagine our kids could possibly be miserable. How could they be unhappy in the happiest place on the earth? Simple. You take them to a place that’s so hot you feel like you flew into the face of the sun, force them to stand in line for hours at a time, cram all the color, parades, characters, and shows down their throats, and let them see the thousands of souvenir stands and shops. If you have more than one kid, you can bet there will also be incessant fighting between them. I promise that if you go there, you will have a recipe for a total nuclear meltdown. I saw a lot of meltdowns. And not just from my kids.
The first couple of days we were there, I wanted to hand my kids over to an adoption agency. At ages ten, eight, and five, they whined incessantly. “It’s hot,” “I’m tired,” “Can’t we just go back to the hotel and swim?” When they weren’t whining, they were fighting. I swear, the 3 Stooges were reincarnated as my children! Michael, the oldest, typically started it by pinching his sister, Gabby, who promptly slapped him back. The youngest, Adam, would get upset at this and shout at them both. They, in turn, would gang up on him. In a matter of seconds, they were slapping, kicking, and pinching each other!
On the third day, after I had nearly pulled all my hair out in frustration, a sympathetic mother gave us some advice. Go to the parks in the morning when it’s relatively cool. Then, around lunchtime, when the heat becomes unbearable, take them back to the hotel. Feed them, let them swim in the pool to cool off, let them take naps. Then go back to the park in the early evening. They’ll be happier and more relaxed. My husband and I, figuring we had nothing to lose, tried this out. What a difference it made! The kids started having a better time, so we started having a better time as well.
This seems to fall into the “duh” category, but if you’ve never been there, there’s nothing I can say to prepare you for that tropical heat. It’s not that the temperature is hotter, per se, than here. The temperature was in the low 90s the entire time. The problem is the humidity. Flying into Orlando, I couldn’t help but notice all the standing water. There are major lakes and ponds every five feet. It hangs like a curtain in the air too. I’m certain that if it were five feet lower in altitude, it’d be completely under water. Coming from Pueblo, I was in complete and utter amazement at it all. But all that water makes the heat feel worse, so you sweat more than you ordinarily would.
Ironically, this type of climate dehydrates you quicker than ours would here in Colorado. We were trekking around in the hot sun all day and sweating buckets, so we got dehydrated quickly from the rapid loss of electrolytes. If you go to Disneyworld, you need to drink tons of water and/or Gatorade. They sell it in the parks, but you’ll have to pay for it with your firstborn child. Of course, if said child is having a meltdown, this might not be a bad thing…I recommend either going to Wal-mart (which is conveniently located down the street from Disneyworld) to buy bottles of water, or taking your own refillable plastic containers because you are allowed to bring them into the parks. If you go that route, however, you should know that Orlando’s tap water is nasty. It tastes like sulfur, like someone just extinguished a bottle rocket in it. My son, Adam, actually called it “firework water” and refused to drink it.
To beat the heat, plan to go in the fall or the spring when the temperature is tolerable. Don’t be an idiot like me and think it’d be awesome to go in June. For one, June is one of their busiest months of the year. So the parks are terribly crowded. My husband and I started to swear that if one more inconsiderate parent ran over our toes with their stroller, if one more New Yorker forcefully shoved us out of the way without so much as an “Excuse me,” we were going postal on them. In June, the rude crowds (and they are rude!) and scorching heat are a recipe for you to have a meltdown of your own.
You know how you go to the movie theater and can’t believe they have the audacity to charge you $4 for a small soda? Disneyworld is like that, but worse. I had no illusions that it was cheap. I knew it would be expensive. So I budgeted more than I imagined for food and souvenirs. It wasn’t enough. Take your worst possible estimate for things. Now triple it. A regular hot dog with ketchup cost $10. A small soda cost $5. An ice cream sundae from the Ghiradelli Soda Shop in Downtown Disney cost 20 – yes, I said 20 – smackeroos.
If you’re anything like me, you probably had a heart attack seeing that last one. I don’t think of myself as stingy, but even I felt my purse tighten up more than a snare drum. Unfortunately, they get away with charging that much because they know people will pay it. Not this mom! To conserve on food costs, my husband and I wound up going grocery shopping. Our hotel room had a small refrigerator, so we had a place to store milk and other perishables. For groceries for a week, we spent $50 at Wal-mart, the cost of just one “cheap” meal at the parks. They allow you to bring in sack lunches, so you’d have to be crazy (or independently wealthy) not to take advantage of this.
On the souvenir front, they have these autograph books that cost $10 that you can buy at nearly every store or stand. The idea behind them is to let your kids collect the Disney characters’ autographs. They’re relatively inexpensive, they keep the kids entertained, and the kids leave with a unique souvenir that’s all theirs. For the other souvenirs, budget at least $20 per person. If you want to get someone a simple t-shirt, budget at least $40. I am not joking. Disney is extremely proud of Mickey Mouse.
The Fast Pass is awesome if you’re like me and are completely impatient. Most of the rides at Disneyworld have it. You use your regular park admission tickets to obtain these passes that tell you what time to come back to the ride. It’s completely free, and when you come back at the appointed time, you’re taken straight to the front of the line. This is really handy when you want to go on rides with long lines like Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad, etc. If you opt to wait instead, you’re going to wait in line for at least an hour. Why would you do that to yourself, especially if you have three whiny kids like I do?
Disney really knows how to entertain people, and this quality shines through in their various shows around the parks. I was reluctant to go to any, but in retrospect I’m glad I did. They were an excellent way to cool off, to sit down and relax for a while, and to have a good laugh. Plus, the whole family loved them because they were all hysterical. The first one we saw was Turtle Talk with Crush at Epcot. They have Crush, the turtle from Finding Nemo, in an interactive show where he talks to the kids in the audience. The adults were roaring with laughter just as much as the kids.
At Magic Kingdom in Tomorrowland, Mike’s Laugh Factory features characters from Monsters, Inc. Again, it’s interactive and encourages audience participation. The object is for the characters to make the audience laugh so much they fill the energy canister to power their city.
Mickey’s Philharmagic, also at the Magic Kingdom in Fantasyland, is hands down the best 3-D movie I’ve seen. Donald Duck borrows Mickey’s Sorcerer’s Apprentice hat without permission, and it magically whisks him through several Disney movies. What makes this show unique, however, is that during water scenes, the audience is splashed with water, and during the song “Be Our Guest,” Lumiere waves an apple pie in front of the audience and the auditorium suddenly smells like fresh baked apple pie.
But my favorite show of all was Captain Jack Sparrow’s Pirate Tutorial in Adventureland right across from Pirates of the Caribbean. He comes before the crowd and teaches them how to be pirates. He even brings kids on the stage and instructs them how to swordfight. Lastly, he invites a small group of kids on stage and swears them in as official pirates. I’m proud to say my kids were sworn in. As a reward, they’re given a special scroll that states they are under his protection now.
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