1. Build a fuel-efficient time machine, then go back in time and barge in on Stephenie Meyer's parents the night she was conceived to stop them from procreating.
2. Take the police on a car chase in a clown car.
3. Make a politician eat a crap sandwich.
4. Cup Tim Tebow's butt and squeeze it. Hard.
5. Bounce a million dollar check to Jerry's kids.
6. Put together a kick-ass Bloodhound Gang tribute band.
7. Make out with Chris Hemsworth.
8. Find every televangelist in the country and kick them in the nads.
9. Run away and join the circus.
10. Meet the Dalai Lama and first greet him by saying, "Hello, Dolly!"
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